You're so nebulous sometimes
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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