New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
