How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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