do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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