you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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