If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
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