Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
