One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
