Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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