things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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