I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
