bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
