Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
