he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
