This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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