I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
