She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My dick has a subreddit
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
