Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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