I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
