I am in a vortex of obligation.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
