the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
