When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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