Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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