He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
No I am not eating basil off your cock
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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