Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
