Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
