I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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