There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
