Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
