I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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