So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
