how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
