My first STD was from a foam party
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
