When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
