This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
