Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
