Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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