i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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