I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
