the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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