Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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