highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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