oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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