Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
