they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
