I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You took a bar mat shot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
