I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
