Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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