I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
