Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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